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2000-10-28
I'm so happy right now, because I have a new favorite euphemism for masturbation. A very specific type of masturbation, too.
You see, I was watching that new Truth MTV show. It's like Taxicab Confessions, except the subjects know they're being taped before hand.
This one woman came in and was talking about finding her parents' dildos at the age of eleven. Rockets, she called them. She'd snuck one of these rockets into her room and eventually had her way with herself.
The interviewer (concealed behind a curtain, or perhaps speaking from a remote position) asked her if she still owns or uses any of these rockets.
She hesitated while trying to find a way to answer without embarrasing herself too much.
"Let's just say I've been to Venus a few times since then."
Now I can't think about Tori Amos' latest CD (To Venus and Back) without at least smirking.
And now, I'll bet, neither can you.
***Well, I was happy. Now I don't want to go to sleep for fear of seeing this come rolling at me. Thank you, Tallula.
***Marble was encouraging me to come out to my dad on Friday. Friday was the day of the encouragement, not the coming out. The coming out hasn't happened yet.
The logistics of coming out are rather tricky. Two days a week, now, my dad comes home at 9:30 at night, and he goes to bed at around 10:30 on weekdays.
So that's a one hour window on those nights to talk to him. Other nights, he gets home at 5:30 to 6, depending on the traffic.
To quote "It Tango" by Laurie Anderson:
It's hard.
It's just hard.
It's just kind of hard to say.
And to quote "Jing Jing" by Shoukichi Kina:
Jing jing JING JING [Lots of frenzied shrieking in Japanese]
But that's not as relevant.
Not that it's really an excuse, but it's not the same as with my mother, who is usually accessible 24 hrs. a day, with the exception of the hour or so she's gone to pick up my little brother at school.
But I shouldn't put too much thought into it, because that's what sabotaged the earlier attempt. Too much thought fermented into too much anxiousness and too much anxiety until it turned into something I thought I should do more than something I wanted to do.
Now I'm trying to remain deliberately mellow. That may seem like an oxymoron, but it is possible to achieve. I've done it before, and though I may have forgotten how for a while, I think I'm re-learning that skill.
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